Sunday, April 3, 2011

It's that time of year when we tell stupid Kurt Cobain jokes!


Too soon???

Why did the Toronto Maple Leafs try to sign Kurt Cobain?
They heard he was a killer on the face offs.
 
What was Kurt Cobain quoted as saying in his last interview 
  before he blasted his brains out with a shotgun?
He said in his mind, Hole was going to be the next big thing.


How does Kurt Cobain collect his thoughts?
With a squeegee!


What do Wayne Gretzky and Courtney Love have in common?
They both shower after the third period.


What was the last thing to go through Cobain's mind?
His teeth.


What has four legs and just applied at McDonald's?
Nirvana


What's the difference between Kurt Cobain and Mary Jo Buttafuoco?
The bullet's still in Mary Jo's head.


What do Cobain and the Mariners have in common?
Both stink up Seattle.


Did you know they're honoring Kurt with a racehorse?
It's called Seattle Spew.


How can you get Nirvana back together?
With duct tape.


Why does Kervorkian want Cobain's shotgun?
To add to his collection of suicide machines.


What happened when you talked to Cobain about suicide?
It went in one ear and out the other.


Did Cobain plan his suicide a long time?
It was just a sudden brain storm.


What do Wes Unseld and Kurt Cobain have in common?
Both were dropped by the Bullets.


What will they call the movie about Cobain?
1)  Brainless in Seattle.
2)  The Remains of the Day.


What's the difference between Cobain and the Iraqi army?
Cobain has killed more Americans.


Where's a good place to watch the Seattle Seahawks?
Circling over Cobain's house.


Did Kurt think a lot about suicide?
It was a no-brainer.


What did the electrician say when he knocked on Cobain's door?
"Where's the head of the house?"


When does Kurt sing these days?
When the wind whistles through his head.


Did you know Kurt was practically an "overnight success?"
It only took him 3 days to be discovered.


Why won't Cobain put out any more hit albums?
He doesn't have a head for business anymore.


What's the difference between Cobain and John Hinkley?
Cobain was a better shot.


Why hasn't Nirvana released a new video?
They're still busy shooting.


How did Courtney Love get her start?
She used to open for the Dead.


What's the difference between Cobain and Nixon?
Nixon left a better looking corpse.


Why did Cobain put on weight before he died?
So he'd make a better target.


What did Courtney Love say when she came home?
"Who ordered the pizza?"


What's the best way to listen to a Nirvana record?
With a couple of shooters


What's the difference between Cobain and Elton John?
Elton took more shots in the mouth.


What did Mrs. Cobain say when they were trying to 
  identify Kurt's body?
Smells like Kurt's body (to me).


What do Kurt Cobain, Hand Gathers and Bobbitt's penis 
have in common?
They all took one shot before they died.


What did Kurt say before firing?
"Heads up!"


How did they cremate Cobain?
By steaming him off the ceiling.


What's the hippest look in Seattle now?
Wearing a piece of Kurt Cobain.


Why's Cobain mad at the Seattle police?
They shampooed with his Head and Shoulders.


Why's Courtney Love mad at the police?
For tracking Kurt through the house.


Who got the first scoop on Cobain's suicide?
The paramedics.


What did they find in Cobain's home?
Seattle grunge.


Did Cobain give up drugs?
No, he still likes getting blasted.


What did Freddie Prinze say to Kurt Cobain?
"Nice Hunting!"


What did Jeffrey Dahmer request for his last meal?
Kurt Cobain.


How did Cobain paint his house?
With a spray gun.


What did the Seattle police sing during the investigation?
"Braindrops keep falling on my head."


What did Nirvana's lead singer change his name to?
Kurt Gobang!


What was the last thing Kurt saw before he died?
The back of his head.


Have the police concluded their investigation?
They just need to mop up.


What did Courtney Love name her band "Hole" after?
Kurt's throat.


What do Courtney & Cobain have in common?
Both were shooting up on the same night.


What do Cobain and Roy Rodgers have in common?
Both were fond of their Trigger.


Did Cobain really commit suicide?
No, he was just playing Polish Roulette.


How can you keep Pearl Jam together?
Break the lead singer's index finger.


When will Kurt perform again?
When he gets his head together.


What will Nirvana's next video be?
Dancing on the ceiling.


What did Kurt do when he got to the top?
He self-destructed.


What will Nirvana's next record be?
1) My Aim is True
2) Up on the Roof
3) Going out of my Head


How will the record do?
It'll be number one with a bullet.


What does Cobain have in common with his record sales?
They've both gone through the roof.


Does Kurt like other kinds of music?
Yes, he's a Dead Head.


Why can't you tell any secrets to Kurt Cobain?
He'll go shooting off his mouth.


How does Cobain feel about the NBA?
He think the Bullets have nowhere to go but up.


What's the difference between Kurt Cobain and John Bonham?
It took 42 shots to kill Bonham. 
 
(found at http://www.yuksrus.com) 

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